Starting Over
It's almost become cliche now. The whole "I'm starting over..." or "I'm beginning again..." has almost been burned out at this point. And it's not the fact that it's mentioned by so many different people that makes it cliche. It's the fact that so many people say it so many times that, to everyone else, it turns into "Oh, your starting over? Again? Wow... what is this, like the third time this week?"
But we say it and, in some cases, try to actually do it. Start over. Begin again.
I've named my blog "The Progress of Change" for a reason. Because I feel that change should be a constant in my life (paradox anyone?). I truly believe that I should never be satisfied with "good enough" (as it relates to myself). So having said that, one would think that I would be a strong supporter of the ideas of "Starting over" and "Beginning again". And I am... kind of...
The Major Obstacle
As I have made my journey through self discovery and growth, I have found that the major obstacle that kept me from reaching my goal quicker was not myself and my inability to change... but everyone else around me. More specifically... the people closest to me.
I know it sounds odd right? You would think that the people closest to you would want you to change and become a better person. And some of them do! In my case, most of them did. The problem is in the habits that have been formed between you and them.
Have I lost you yet?
I have found, that in interacting with people, you form habits of communication and action. If you change yourself (and by "change", I mean how you interact with yourself and others), then you also have to change how you communicate with others. Close friends, if they are indeed "close", will notice this (and if they don't, you either A) Didn't do much "real" changing, or B) they aren't really that close of a friend).
In my experience, your close friends don't want you to change. I know that may sound harsh, but it's none the less true. They may even tell you to your face "Of course I want you to change, and become a better person!" Which is only half true. They want that, if it doesn't mess with their reality and perception of it, and you.
Change is a scary thing for some people. And in their defense, to watch a close friend change, can be unnerving. It may even cause them to question if you have even been real with them at all. Now, hopefully, you would already have told them "Hey, look, I'm going to be making some changes in my life. So be prepared.", so they won't be broadsided. Even so, I have seen friends who will freak out on you if you show the slightest bit of change.
I'm not really sure why this is. Perhaps you are challenging them to change, by your change, and they feel that they can't. So instead of trying to change, they try to keep you from changing. Or perhaps it's something much simpler. Then again maybe that idea it too simple, and it's something deeper and more complex.
What ever the reason is, it is hard to change around close friends and family. Again, I know it sounds harsh, but it's just true. And the funny (sad?) thing about it, is that more often than not, they don't even realize they are doing it. So what does that mean?
Your Part
We come to the other side of the coin. It falls to you to make sure they realize that you are handling things differently. If you allow them to pull you back into your old ways of thinking and reacting to them as you did before, then you are pretty much telling them that you really aren't that serious about change. And of course they will never see that change if you never show them the change.
It's not easy to make these changes. I find myself out side my "comfort zone" often. But thats where the changing takes place. If you are comfortable, and you have just started making changes, I would venture to say you are either not making very big changes, or your not following through with them.
Speaking from my own personal experience, the hardest part about changing was breaking myself out of old ways of thinking and doing things. Truth be told, even now I still slip back into those old habits and do the things I know are not the best. I've done it recently. But if you catch yourself doing it, you can change it and get back on track. It's ok to fall off the horse (metaphorically speaking), it's NOT ok to NOT get back on the horse and keep on the path of self improvement.
Summary
I think improving ones self should be a constant life goal. Starting over can be a great way to start the improvement process. However, you should be prepared to lose friends and, in extreme circumstances, family while you are changing. But in the end, only you can make you happy. And no one else can be responsible for you. So you might have to make some tough decisions on what is best for.
Again, I don't know where this came from, but here it is! Hope it was helpful to someone! Tell me what you think in the comments!
It's almost become cliche now. The whole "I'm starting over..." or "I'm beginning again..." has almost been burned out at this point. And it's not the fact that it's mentioned by so many different people that makes it cliche. It's the fact that so many people say it so many times that, to everyone else, it turns into "Oh, your starting over? Again? Wow... what is this, like the third time this week?"
But we say it and, in some cases, try to actually do it. Start over. Begin again.
I've named my blog "The Progress of Change" for a reason. Because I feel that change should be a constant in my life (paradox anyone?). I truly believe that I should never be satisfied with "good enough" (as it relates to myself). So having said that, one would think that I would be a strong supporter of the ideas of "Starting over" and "Beginning again". And I am... kind of...
The Major Obstacle
As I have made my journey through self discovery and growth, I have found that the major obstacle that kept me from reaching my goal quicker was not myself and my inability to change... but everyone else around me. More specifically... the people closest to me.
I know it sounds odd right? You would think that the people closest to you would want you to change and become a better person. And some of them do! In my case, most of them did. The problem is in the habits that have been formed between you and them.
Have I lost you yet?
I have found, that in interacting with people, you form habits of communication and action. If you change yourself (and by "change", I mean how you interact with yourself and others), then you also have to change how you communicate with others. Close friends, if they are indeed "close", will notice this (and if they don't, you either A) Didn't do much "real" changing, or B) they aren't really that close of a friend).
In my experience, your close friends don't want you to change. I know that may sound harsh, but it's none the less true. They may even tell you to your face "Of course I want you to change, and become a better person!" Which is only half true. They want that, if it doesn't mess with their reality and perception of it, and you.
Change is a scary thing for some people. And in their defense, to watch a close friend change, can be unnerving. It may even cause them to question if you have even been real with them at all. Now, hopefully, you would already have told them "Hey, look, I'm going to be making some changes in my life. So be prepared.", so they won't be broadsided. Even so, I have seen friends who will freak out on you if you show the slightest bit of change.
I'm not really sure why this is. Perhaps you are challenging them to change, by your change, and they feel that they can't. So instead of trying to change, they try to keep you from changing. Or perhaps it's something much simpler. Then again maybe that idea it too simple, and it's something deeper and more complex.
What ever the reason is, it is hard to change around close friends and family. Again, I know it sounds harsh, but it's just true. And the funny (sad?) thing about it, is that more often than not, they don't even realize they are doing it. So what does that mean?
Your Part
We come to the other side of the coin. It falls to you to make sure they realize that you are handling things differently. If you allow them to pull you back into your old ways of thinking and reacting to them as you did before, then you are pretty much telling them that you really aren't that serious about change. And of course they will never see that change if you never show them the change.
It's not easy to make these changes. I find myself out side my "comfort zone" often. But thats where the changing takes place. If you are comfortable, and you have just started making changes, I would venture to say you are either not making very big changes, or your not following through with them.
Speaking from my own personal experience, the hardest part about changing was breaking myself out of old ways of thinking and doing things. Truth be told, even now I still slip back into those old habits and do the things I know are not the best. I've done it recently. But if you catch yourself doing it, you can change it and get back on track. It's ok to fall off the horse (metaphorically speaking), it's NOT ok to NOT get back on the horse and keep on the path of self improvement.
Summary
I think improving ones self should be a constant life goal. Starting over can be a great way to start the improvement process. However, you should be prepared to lose friends and, in extreme circumstances, family while you are changing. But in the end, only you can make you happy. And no one else can be responsible for you. So you might have to make some tough decisions on what is best for.
Again, I don't know where this came from, but here it is! Hope it was helpful to someone! Tell me what you think in the comments!
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